Emily and I had a solid plan for the wedding. She was going to work lending money to cover our bills and I was going to work flipping houses and investing in real estate to pay for our wedding. Last month my parents said that they would not loan me any more money through Volusia Asset Company (for those of you who don't know - VAC is my parent's company which was set up in my sister and my name to lend money to real estate investors). That's right, it sounds ridiculous, but I was no longer able to use the services of my parents company, which I legally own. Not only did this through a kink in my business plan, but it also took away my ability to pay for our wedding.

Then my parents were generous enough to step up and say that they would help us pay for the wedding. Not pay for all of it (Emily's family also contributed generously to the wedding fund), but pay for everything that I was working to earn. This is where the real problems started. To them, money = control. This is what we were trying to avoid and the exact reason why Emily and I wanted to pay for the bulk of the wedding ourselves. First it was relatively small things like setting up appointments with vendors without consulting Emily, me or our wedding planner. Then it moved on to more important things like trying to control the guest list. Each step of the way they changed their mind about their contribution (their inability to make a decision and stick to it has been something we have battled for a long time).

Originally they wanted to give a set amount of money. Then they divided up that amount and said that we could have X for flowers, X for food, etc. Then they said that any outside contributions (for example, Emily's mom wanted to take her dress shopping) would reduce their budget.

Throughout this process we constantly reminded them that this is our wedding and it will be planned the way we want it (their gift does not come with strings attached). But they kept bring up one issue - having a Rabbi officiate the wedding. I had always said that I wanted a judge or some other non religious officiate for a number of reasons. I do not feel an attachment to the Jewish faith. Having a Rabbi officiate would not mean anything for me. Additionally, the family I am marrying into is Catholic. Everyone should feel included at the wedding. We could not have a Rabbi for the same reason we could not have a Priest - we want to include both sides of the family.

The issue of control was becoming stronger and stronger as the plans progressed. Finally, Emily and I decided to talk to them about it. The conversation went as follows:
"Thank you for contributing to our wedding fund, but please keep in mind that money does not equal control."
"Well, we feel like it does."
"We don't want your gift, if it comes with strings attached."
"Our money only comes with one string, have a Rabbi officiate or you don't get the money."
"I wish you had told us that sooner. The Rabbi would not mean anything to us, and furthermore it would alienate half of the people there. We would rather not have this wedding than have it your way."
"Then we revoke our gift."

Here's how it stands now... Emily and I are planning a new wedding. It will most likely be very small (immediate family only) and it will possibly be a destination wedding. Please keep your calendar open and we will let you know our plans when they solidify.